Young Poets Network

Posted 03.06.11 in Writing

‘If only Al Gore had won…’ by Tom Ayling

 

A pool of tears collect
beneath the eyes of her British Isles.
They swim and reflect
the dawning of men.
As her twisting pupils dilate,
she strikes a monstrous blow
from the fists of her United States.

An internal conflict she seeks.
An appetite for self-destruction so dire
that as she weeps,
an island is gone,
alongside twelve-thousand innocents.
And the loss of her innocence
is defined by an angry aperture
in her atmosphere

Thus, slowly, she loses her grip
on the fuel that sustains her sanity.

When she is fallen to her knees,
she is ours for the taking.
Coal, oil, wood, we plunder as we please.
Little do we know
the mistake that we are making.

 Tom Ayling wrote If only Al Gore had won… in response to Joelle Taylor’s ‘No Man’s’ Land’ Challenge

 Joelle Taylor says: “That as she weeps/ An island is gone” – what an amazing line. And this poem is full of powerful lines, including “twisting pupils dilate”. Wonderful. There is also very good assonance used in the poem, particularly the section that rhymes aperture and atmosphere/ innocents and innocence. You personify the Earth as a woman (like many writers) and this leads inevitably to the sense of her ultimate violation at the close of the piece, “she is ours for the taking”. Gulp. Perhaps you could take this even further though? Your title is wonderful too, and I don’t think I need to explain why! The problem line for me is “Thus, slowly she loses her grip/ on the fuel that sustains her sanity”. By this do you mean the vital resources of the planet as though they are parts of not only her body but her mind? Make it clearer if you can. Tom, you can really write. Write more. And thank you.

Comments (2)

2 Responses to “‘If only Al Gore had won…’ by Tom Ayling”

  1. Tom Ayling says:

    Thank you so much for your feedback Joelle! X

  2. San Patel says:

    Thoroughly enjoyed this poem, although the lack of rhyming really troubled me. However, “The loss of her innocence is defined by an angry aperture”, was a line that really got to me and reminded me of the work of Mozart. Tom, you can really write. Write more. And thank you.